I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
