This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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