the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
