We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
