Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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