does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont even know how to be here
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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