is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
