He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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