last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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