I could make wine with my vomit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
