Ambien. No doubt about it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
