so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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