Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
