i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
