it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
