Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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