Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
