atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
