when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
