We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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