dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
