The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
