She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
