And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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