once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize