yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
