Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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