Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
