4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are all done wearing pants today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
