No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
