I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
