I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
