I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
