He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
