a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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