what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so let's talk penis.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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