What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
