She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
