Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
