sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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