ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize