come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
