College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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