we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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