im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
