You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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