guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
