Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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