Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
