Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize