I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
