i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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