My room smells like vodka and shame
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
