how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
