dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
