I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
