i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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