I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
