The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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