He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
