i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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