I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
