Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
