thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
