we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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