Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
50% drunk capacity currently
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
