we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
