we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
