i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
