I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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