like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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