as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you will always have a special place in my vag
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
