textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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