I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
