I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
