I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
