I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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