Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
