was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
