is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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