i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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