Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
