The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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