I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
