I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Buhtt sex?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize