I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
