I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
