Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
