Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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