I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
