I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
