How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish i was in the wii world.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize