Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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