mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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