I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
