walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
