Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
