im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
