I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
