my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
