3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no, he came in my armpit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
