just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize