and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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