Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize