the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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