I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
