All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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